I have to admit that yesterday was incredibly tough and rough for me. I literally had nothing to do. Well, I had stuff to do, but nothing that was pressing. And I had no motivation to do anything. I laid around and did absolutely nothing. I finally got up and washed the dishes because I had told Josh that I would and I didn't want him to get home and they still not be washed.
I know I shouldn't be complaining, because there are people in the world and even this country who are having a much tougher time than me. I am very fortunate to have even found another job after being laid off the first time. I am fortunate to have a family who loves me. I am fortunate to have friends that I can turn to when I need a sympathetic ear. I am fortunate to have a husband who loves me and is doing his best to support me through this. I am fortunate to have ex-coworkers to keep their ears open for me for possible jobs.
However, for me, this is really tough. This lay off has made me question everything I thought I once knew about myself and my life. I feel like I really don't have a place in the world, and I'm not sure where I fit. I really don't know if I want to do Landscape Architecture anymore. Going through this twice kind of makes me feel like I need to take this opportunity to try something different. The million dollar question is "What do I do?" Do I go into a different aspect of landscape design? Do I try out residential? Do I work for the city? Do I try to get a job at a firm that does commercial again? I've been there, done that twice now and I'm not sure I want to venture into that again. Do I try to start doing my baking on the side? Do I find a job in retail just to get by for a few months? Once the economy starts to rebound, I know things will be better, but development and Landscape Architecture are going to take a while to get back to where it was. But then I ask myself if I go back in that direction, do I want to sit in front of a computer for 9 hours a day?
Another reason this has been so hard is that I am a planner and a doer. The first time around, I had already been calling people and looking for a new job, so I jumped right into doing that full time. This time around, I already know that no one is hiring, so I don't have much hope for my employment future. However, I have some amazing connections who have already started looking for me! I am so thankful for that!
Today has been a little better. I still have a lost feeling, but I have been getting out and about. I decided to get some mums to plant in the planters on the front porch. I have some pumpkin bread in the oven. And I've made a list for the next few days so I know what I have to do.
I know things will get better and that something good is going to come out of all of this. I'm just have to keep reminding myself to be patient and wait for that to come.
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